Sick......

Finally I'm sick, went to sleep around 10 o'clock, feeling my head so HEAVY. I kept dreaming of my childhood friends, but don't know why J was in it = =...... I had a dream that my dog was running around and he finally knows that when I call his name he should run back to me. Childhood friends, there were even illusions, when I saw one of my friend was driving on the running track, I thought she was someone else, but she turned out to be my childhood classmate, exactly the same, nothing changed, told me that I got so fat= =........Then it was class time, we all dressed up in our old school uniform, we were so happy, and then I saw there were bunch of other people from other school when they were little, and they were in different school uniform. The class was hard, I can't understand one single word the teacher said, and I felt the urge in my heart, kinda scary, like when I was little and I don't get the teacher's words I would feel really really urge. I went sit with J, and J was using the different version of the book than me, so he was looking at my book, he was so serious= =..... Class was in process, I dreamed that I was drinking water, non-stop, then I realize that I AM THIRSTY LIKE CRAZY, so I got up, felt my head was sooooooooooooo heavy, my whole body hurts, my throat was dry and painful, I can't breath at all through my nose, and I'm COLD......... BUT There's no water left in the pot, so I made some. I miss my mom.

Most Embarrasing Moment

What's your most embarrassing moment?
For me, is when I did something that I don't even know I did it. Which is..............snoring in the class room.
I've been snoring LOUD ever since I was little, I guess is because of overweight. Just a few minutes ago, I snored again in my CIS class, which is a HUGE classroom with around 100 students and when I realized I fell asleep, is already too late, and people are looking at me with a familiar expression. They were searching for the person who just snored. Hah....funni.....
Really embarrassed myself by this unconscious move. Sometimes I wonder when this snoring problem would stop, so I could actually sleep well in class when I feel sleepy.

Huge

Huge encouragement from friend, nothing can depress me, I feel.
Curve in my heart is time to get straight, nothing can bend it anymore. How much better can tomorrow be? I think the last payment should be the end of it all.
Room is clean again, books are not as heavy, heart is light as feather, prayers are being delivered, poison disappeared, cool.

3,4,5,6,7,8,9,0.......

Slowly.........
A pair of iron wings sent me to this place, the darkness of the sky is almost covering with the light of the sun. But I just can't let go of the airport, so I fiddled around with the tempo of adagio. Found out it is a crowded airport, like the wind.
Lots of screens sparkled through my eyes, with tears that never wanted to fall down because of the remaining bits of faith. It happened in the middle of Heaven and Hell. The air plane was like me, went away with a tempo of adagio in front of my eyes, but I still wonder if there is you that I await for, one and only you.
I don't even remember the words and sentences you said. Continue? Or end? But when separation came, only tears came to my mind and I only craved for more tears. Was it too blurry? Or do I wonder if you still care. When the wait lasted too long, nobody wanted to continue, neither end. Then I walked out to my longest journey when it came with the slowest steps.
Will a cup of hot coffee block my tears? Who is he, who is he that you are caressing? Tears with the adagio tempo..............
I'm not too sad, I just thought............

Night

My room is so quiet, I can't use my imagination to turn the noise of the fridge and computer into music, unlike the kid in August Rush. My dog is sleeping, and he's just curious about everything I show him, he smells it, look at it, smells it again and smells more. It is true that dogs have good nose, and their most sensitive part is the nose, and ears others say. But what is the most sensitive part in a human being? Eyes? Ears? Nose? Tongue? I figured, it doesn't matter. But when all of them combine together, the most sensitive part is actually the heart. I can feel my happiness, angriness, sadness, sourness in my heart all the time. And when it comes to pain, is way more than physical, you just want to get out of it as quick as possible. When I look around me, nothing is moving. There must be something to paralyze it, there must be something to make it numb, there must be something that will drive it away. Or, there must be something that can replace it. Things are running like a circle for me, but every-time it hits the same spot, the spot gets more thorns than usual. Another Night.

Morning

Morning is good. A lot of refreshment, like a new start.
Today I'm not working, because I had to pick up a friend of mine from the airport. The sky looked very pretty this morning, and the sun is producing more heat than usual. I had an empty mind this morning, and felt pretty weird, but somewhat good. I need to escape, need to chill out. I wanna rest a little, somewhere that's quiet, nobody knows me, somewhere I can just walk around and not to think about anything, just for a while. My schedule is like a 7-11, never needs to rest, driving around the city, sitting there and listening, I think I got out from "no life" and going into "too much life". There's nothing in between. Monday-Sunday, there's no such thing as a "day off" for me. TGIF doesn't mean anything to me, but I try to make my mind feel like TGIMTWThFSatSun. How long do I have to live like that. I don't know. Can't find any excitement besides the encounter and connection with Jesus, but how can I keep it up? Some times I just feel disconnected. It has been half year already, and I don't think I'm still a child who just can't get out of it because of my stubbornness? Or is my basic instinct, my nature, my designation of God? I don't care, but I just want to be who I am, sometimes I feel like is stupid to be myself because of all the broken glasses on the ground that I have to walk over. My self-righteousness is haunting me day by day, I feel like this "modern" world is way darker than before, things are filled with wraith, hatred, lust, selfishness and anger. Sometimes I just can't find someone worth. But I believe there is somebody out there who has the other half of the puzzle and just knows how to put the piece by piece together into a beautiful picture. My other half is too messy to be put together. I need the decoder. I still doubt.

GOD WTX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WTX.................. CANT THINGS JUST BE NORMAL?????????????????????????????? WHY AM I EASILY TO BE ANGERED????????????????????????????? I LIKE THINGS TO BE SORTED OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I REALLY WANT TO KICK YOUR FACE. WHAT IN THE WORLD IS NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL LIKE A SUPER ANGRY MAN AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AND I WANNA HIT MY HEAD ON THE WALL SO I CAN LOSE SOME CONSCIOUS, SO AT LEAST MY BRAIN CELLS WONT KEEP ON TELLING ME TO BE ANGRY!!!!!!