Life goes on? Life goes on.

Arrested for DUI last night. Guess I had too much to drink, pretty sure God wanted me to wake up with a different way he used to use. Spent my night in jail for the first time in life, had the longest night

He

Noticed both my legs were sore. Never felt the brain so stoned in my whole entire life. Seriously, I can look at one thing for hours and not feel bored to it. Sometimes meeting new things is just too fun, which for I could think of right now, everything new is fun to me. Discovered the truth that I could actually sleep early and wake up on time. What is Parsifal really searching after his life? What could really heal the Fisher King's wound? Sometimes a really simple question could just done it. TKO!!! Such dreams I dream, I could just find another world in it.
Reality Vs. Dreams. Whoa! I can't even remember it. Ever since I was pissed drunk and I kept on telling myself I'm dreaming. Caressing by the wind in the afternoon is just like falling into my fair maiden's embrace, so comforting and quite. More to come, more to go.

OH MY LORD..........

Such unpleasant message from my manager. I forgot to type the receipt of two $100 prepaid cards, and he can't find the two hundred dollars, and I need to pay the two hundred dollars off...........OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!! SUCH A CALL THAT PISSES ME OFF!!!!!!!! MAKES ME WANNA QUIT MY STUPID JOB NOW!!!!

MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna kick and scream!!!!!!!!!!!!

25*$8=$200 tax not included!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

1 week=30 hrs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dont wanna work for a week for free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


HELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELP!

SLEEPLESS

SLEEPLESS, SLEEPLESS, SLEEPLESS, SLEEPLESS, SLEEPLESS, SLEEPLESS, SLEEPLESS, SLEEPLESS, SLEEPLESS, SLEEPLESS, SLEEPLESS, SLEEPLESS, SLEEPLESS, SLEEPLESS,
SLEEPLESS, SLEEPLESS, SLEEPLESS, SLEEPLESS, SLEEPLESS, SLEEPLESS, SLEEPLESS, SLEEPLESS, SLEEPLESS...........

I MADE THAT WORD UP. CUZ I CANT SLEEP= =........

THROAT IS HURTING LIKE A MOTHER'S COOKIE.
WHAT?!

NICE JOKE!
FEELING MYSELF ONCE AGAIN~ (FEELING IN ADJECTIVE NOT A VERB.)

GOD YOU ARE WAY COOLER THAN I EXPECTED, COOLEST GOD IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE. GOSH, CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE TO DESCRIBE THE COOLNESS OF GOD. (ANOTHER MADE UP WORD)

SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE A VERY EXPRESSIVE GUY, I LOVE THE WAY I AM, BECAUSE GOD ACCEPTED ME AS WHO I AM, AND I LOVE THAT!

FEELING GOOD ABOUT MYSELF IS SUCH A NICE THING.

EVEN THOUGH I CAN'T FALL ASLEEP, BUT I STILL LOVE THE FEELING OF HAVIN THE ACTUAL CONNECTION WITH HIM. THANK YOU, AND I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOUR WORDS, I LOVE YOUR LOVE, I LOVE YOUR SMILE, I LOVE YOUR FORGIVENESS, I LOVE YOUR WAY OF CARESSING ME, I LOVE YOU FOR ACCEPTING ME AS WHO I AM, I LOVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE FOR MY SHAMES, I LOVE YOU FOR GIVING ME THE STRENTH, I LOVE YOU WHEN I'M POOR AND NEEDY, I LOVE YOU FOR GIVING ME LIFE LESSONS, I LOVE YOU FOR WATCHING OVER ME, I LOVE YOU FOR BEING MY FORTRESS WHENEVER I NEEDED A PLACE TO HIDE, I LOVE YOU FOR LEADING ME TO WHERE I AM TODAY, I LOVE YOU FOR CLEARING MY HEART AND EYES, I LOVE YOU FOR KISSING ME ON THE MOUTH, I LOVE YOU FOR LOOKING INTO MY EYES, I LOVE YOU FOR THE PASSION YOU GAVE ME, I LOVE YOU FOR MY BROKEN HEART. BECAUSE THROUGH YOU, I ONCE AGAIN FIND MYSELF.

THANK YOU

生病+失眠=痛苦

好久沒病了。
發現自己的白頭發多了好多，也不知道平時到底在想什麽。漸漸的再次想起從前。縂覺得自己很脆弱，很難成爲一個可以把你抱在懷裏而又無時無刻給你安全感的人。空空的。
一切就好像發生在沒多久以前，是那麽的清晰。可是在清晰的後面又有一層朦朧而醜陋的布將兩者分開。當我看到清晰時，我仿佛又再一次的被深深的滿足著。可是不知道爲什麽，那一層布縂讓我不舒服，不快樂，不想再去想她。一切變得不美滿，不幸福，不好看。
如何去面對明天總是在我腦海裏打轉。書沒讀好，錢也沒存，每天還是帶著我那些重重的朋友們走著，總是在想什麽時候能讓自己健康的活著。
終于發現，沒有任何的東西可以麻痹自己，留下的永遠是空的，虛的跟難抉擇的。到底過去的生活給了我什麽？功課？教訓？還是萬無一失而又讓我覺得廢棄了的虛幻的影像？
完美的定義到底是什麽？
想了又想，想了又想，想了又想，想了又想，想了又想，想了又想，想了又想，想到了麽？
想再一次的放下。想再一次的拿起來。想再一次的愛下去。
過去是用彌補來定義的麽？
還是過去根本不存在...................

Can't get out of the circle.

I almost let myself get into blood. So shaking, with only something that can't be bigger than a mouse's poop. Did not enjoy it at all, because of my grown up mind. Kinda hated it, hopefully things like that would never happen again.

happy

Happy funeral?
看完6楼后座2之后的感触。
好感动。都哭出来了。有时觉得真得很满足。虽然还是有顾虑，可是心里还是觉得很满足。
成功/失败？
成功的人所得到的是有限的，失败的人所失去的也是有限的。
开心/伤心？
一分一秒的感觉，到底是不是那么的重要呢？
笑/哭？
核桃露/毒药。This is for you。
他和她的房间，在下楼拐角的第一间。

Sun Burn!!!!

Summer is very chill, and fishing is something new to me.
Went fishing with Jack and Sam today, had TONS of fun, and TONS of sunburns. If I get half naked, you might think I'm wearing a very tight skin color tank-top. Didn't get any fish in 4 hours. But it was really fun, i don't know why. Supposedly the fun point of this sport is to catch the fish, even I missed the point of it, I still had TONS of fun standing there looking at the pole. I like sun-burns sometimes, because it gives me the small tiny pain on my skin, and I feel so warm. I'm going again on Wednesday!!! So excited, hope this time I can catch a fish or maybe something else, who knows.

Seperation

From one point to another, longing to last. Just one tiny feather from the bird reminded me of the effected scar. Heart buried by heat and rage. The taste of raw lemon lasted for...........................................................................................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................................................................................
this long...
Like a magician, always tricks others but keeps the secret, when it is reviewed, the logic is just so simple................

Call me again...

vlkfa;n;lkfa;nflkdndak;jnekjwna;kfjn'gkjnkjafkdsa.......
hoping i could understand wut i just typed. but i cant figure it out.

Sick......

Finally I'm sick, went to sleep around 10 o'clock, feeling my head so HEAVY. I kept dreaming of my childhood friends, but don't know why J was in it = =...... I had a dream that my dog was running around and he finally knows that when I call his name he should run back to me. Childhood friends, there were even illusions, when I saw one of my friend was driving on the running track, I thought she was someone else, but she turned out to be my childhood classmate, exactly the same, nothing changed, told me that I got so fat= =........Then it was class time, we all dressed up in our old school uniform, we were so happy, and then I saw there were bunch of other people from other school when they were little, and they were in different school uniform. The class was hard, I can't understand one single word the teacher said, and I felt the urge in my heart, kinda scary, like when I was little and I don't get the teacher's words I would feel really really urge. I went sit with J, and J was using the different version of the book than me, so he was looking at my book, he was so serious= =..... Class was in process, I dreamed that I was drinking water, non-stop, then I realize that I AM THIRSTY LIKE CRAZY, so I got up, felt my head was sooooooooooooo heavy, my whole body hurts, my throat was dry and painful, I can't breath at all through my nose, and I'm COLD......... BUT There's no water left in the pot, so I made some. I miss my mom.

Most Embarrasing Moment

What's your most embarrassing moment?
For me, is when I did something that I don't even know I did it. Which is..............snoring in the class room.
I've been snoring LOUD ever since I was little, I guess is because of overweight. Just a few minutes ago, I snored again in my CIS class, which is a HUGE classroom with around 100 students and when I realized I fell asleep, is already too late, and people are looking at me with a familiar expression. They were searching for the person who just snored. Hah....funni.....
Really embarrassed myself by this unconscious move. Sometimes I wonder when this snoring problem would stop, so I could actually sleep well in class when I feel sleepy.

Huge

Huge encouragement from friend, nothing can depress me, I feel.
Curve in my heart is time to get straight, nothing can bend it anymore. How much better can tomorrow be? I think the last payment should be the end of it all.
Room is clean again, books are not as heavy, heart is light as feather, prayers are being delivered, poison disappeared, cool.

3,4,5,6,7,8,9,0.......

Slowly.........
A pair of iron wings sent me to this place, the darkness of the sky is almost covering with the light of the sun. But I just can't let go of the airport, so I fiddled around with the tempo of adagio. Found out it is a crowded airport, like the wind.
Lots of screens sparkled through my eyes, with tears that never wanted to fall down because of the remaining bits of faith. It happened in the middle of Heaven and Hell. The air plane was like me, went away with a tempo of adagio in front of my eyes, but I still wonder if there is you that I await for, one and only you.
I don't even remember the words and sentences you said. Continue? Or end? But when separation came, only tears came to my mind and I only craved for more tears. Was it too blurry? Or do I wonder if you still care. When the wait lasted too long, nobody wanted to continue, neither end. Then I walked out to my longest journey when it came with the slowest steps.
Will a cup of hot coffee block my tears? Who is he, who is he that you are caressing? Tears with the adagio tempo..............
I'm not too sad, I just thought............

Night

My room is so quiet, I can't use my imagination to turn the noise of the fridge and computer into music, unlike the kid in August Rush. My dog is sleeping, and he's just curious about everything I show him, he smells it, look at it, smells it again and smells more. It is true that dogs have good nose, and their most sensitive part is the nose, and ears others say. But what is the most sensitive part in a human being? Eyes? Ears? Nose? Tongue? I figured, it doesn't matter. But when all of them combine together, the most sensitive part is actually the heart. I can feel my happiness, angriness, sadness, sourness in my heart all the time. And when it comes to pain, is way more than physical, you just want to get out of it as quick as possible. When I look around me, nothing is moving. There must be something to paralyze it, there must be something to make it numb, there must be something that will drive it away. Or, there must be something that can replace it. Things are running like a circle for me, but every-time it hits the same spot, the spot gets more thorns than usual. Another Night.

Morning

Morning is good. A lot of refreshment, like a new start.
Today I'm not working, because I had to pick up a friend of mine from the airport. The sky looked very pretty this morning, and the sun is producing more heat than usual. I had an empty mind this morning, and felt pretty weird, but somewhat good. I need to escape, need to chill out. I wanna rest a little, somewhere that's quiet, nobody knows me, somewhere I can just walk around and not to think about anything, just for a while. My schedule is like a 7-11, never needs to rest, driving around the city, sitting there and listening, I think I got out from "no life" and going into "too much life". There's nothing in between. Monday-Sunday, there's no such thing as a "day off" for me. TGIF doesn't mean anything to me, but I try to make my mind feel like TGIMTWThFSatSun. How long do I have to live like that. I don't know. Can't find any excitement besides the encounter and connection with Jesus, but how can I keep it up? Some times I just feel disconnected. It has been half year already, and I don't think I'm still a child who just can't get out of it because of my stubbornness? Or is my basic instinct, my nature, my designation of God? I don't care, but I just want to be who I am, sometimes I feel like is stupid to be myself because of all the broken glasses on the ground that I have to walk over. My self-righteousness is haunting me day by day, I feel like this "modern" world is way darker than before, things are filled with wraith, hatred, lust, selfishness and anger. Sometimes I just can't find someone worth. But I believe there is somebody out there who has the other half of the puzzle and just knows how to put the piece by piece together into a beautiful picture. My other half is too messy to be put together. I need the decoder. I still doubt.

GOD WTX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WTX.................. CANT THINGS JUST BE NORMAL?????????????????????????????? WHY AM I EASILY TO BE ANGERED????????????????????????????? I LIKE THINGS TO BE SORTED OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I REALLY WANT TO KICK YOUR FACE. WHAT IN THE WORLD IS NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL LIKE A SUPER ANGRY MAN AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AND I WANNA HIT MY HEAD ON THE WALL SO I CAN LOSE SOME CONSCIOUS, SO AT LEAST MY BRAIN CELLS WONT KEEP ON TELLING ME TO BE ANGRY!!!!!!

2-23-08

Verse 1:

He is jealous for me,

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,

Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden,

I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,

And I realize just how beautiful You are,

And how great Your affections are for me.



Pre-Chorus:

And oh, how He loves us so,

Oh how He loves us,

How He loves us so



Chorus 1:

Yeah, He loves us,

Oh how He loves us,

Oh how He loves us,

Oh how He loves.

Yeah, He loves us,

Oh how He loves us,

Oh how He loves us,

Oh how He loves.



Verse 2:

We are His portion and He is our prize,

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,

If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.

So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,

And the heart turns violently inside of my chest,

I don't have time to maintain these regrets,

When I think about, the way?


Chorus 2:

He loves us,

Oh how He loves us,

Oh how He loves us,

Oh how He loves.

Yeah, He loves us,

Oh how He loves us,

Oh how He loves us,

Oh how He loves.

2-22-08

Late in the night, is raining and very cold. I'm hiding on my bed listening to the growling of my fridge and the dropping of the rain. How bad can it be? I said to myself. I thought of my walk, and nothing can be compared. I felt like slapping myself because of the thoughts I've ever had. I feel like the frog. The talk really scratched my heart, tears were in my eyepit, fire was burning in me. My expression touched, her expression touched. I thought I was the rotten one..... The past is the past, that's what I have been telling myself, but never believed it. Today I said the past is the past and HOPED that it'll work on the situation that already happened. When I look at myself through the roof, all the way shuttled to the universe, I see goodness and full of paths. Too little, must be strong said I.